A Loneliness I Have Yet To Endure
by Katharine the Lolita
Summary: A darkened romance takes place in the Shinra Mansion. Very dark and angsty.
1. Waking to Piano Music

(Disclaimer: I do not own these charactors or places.)

A Loneliness I Have Yet To Endure

by Katharine Wills

_Darkness…_

He shuddered despite himself, feeling the nighttime cold seep in through the coffin.

_I'm so cold… so…_

His eyes saw nothing, nothing but blackness beyond dark.

_…numb… so…_

He could keep staring into the black forever, staring wide eyed as he mumbled to himself.

_I am numb… cold…_

The words kept echoing in his mind, replaying them like a broken record player.

_Darkness…_

His eyes blinked once, as if blinking away the tears that would not come. 

_…cold…_

He could hear the piano playing, faint notes carried on the air. Yet he wasn't sure if this was just his mind remembering those sounds, hallucinating again… or if it was real? His empty eyes closed slowly, but the blackness was still the same as when his eyes had been open.

_Howling in the night… the monster wants to wake…_

_No!_

The piano was being played by someone… an intruder in his home. 

_They'll never find me… never wake me…_

He remained still and silent, calm despite the cold and claustrophobic death bed. The piano music abruptly ended, followed by footsteps echoing down to him, the occasional creak in the floorboards. They grew louder as they descended down into the basement…

He stopped breathing, holding his breath in odd anxiety.

_You've trespassed too far, my friend… whoever you may be…_

Vincent rose to step gracefully from his bleak coffin. 

What do you think? I'll leave you hanging for awhile.


	2. Her

Vincent burst out into the basement corridor, wild eyes searching desperately for the intruder. There was no one there… just an empty corridor, void of any sane life forms.

_Damn… I'm hallucinating… again…_

He trembled as he stood there, face concealed by waves of black hair and a crimson cloak. He was pale, much more pale than usual.

_numb…_

"Vincent?"

He whirled around, drawing his gun simultaneously instinctively and shot three times. As his eyes focused and the ringing in his ears from the shots subsided, he saw someone crouching just a few yards away.

"What are you doing in my home?" he shouted breathlessly, his heart pounding from being startled.

_You know my name?_

"Vincent, it's just me," her voice called gently as she rose carefully, glancing behind her at the three big holes in the wall.

He studied her harder, trying to bring some kind of memory up in his mind. And in fact, it was just her. Long raven hair, slim body, and dark eyes… eyes like his.

"Tifa," he gasped, tucking his gun away.

…_so cold…_

A long, drawn out moment of sheer awkward silence consumed them. The only sound was of a water drip somewhere down further in the basement that echoed.

"What are you doing here?" he asked coldly, stepping away.

_Shut her out! Now, before she hurts you…_

Vincent shook his head.

"I thought I'd visit you. I live in town, you know… and it's just a short walk up here," she replied sweetly, shivering in the chilly air of the basement corridor.

…_numb…_

"I almost killed you," he said, almost talking to himself rather than her.

"Yeah… I kind of forgot how… paranoid you are. It's my fault for sneaking down here. I'm sorry Vincent," she spoke apologetically.

Tifa walked towards him, putting on an awkward smile. His eyes watched her, studied her.

_Darkness…_

"Do not apologize. There is no excuse for my demonic instincts," he replied after a moment of hesitation. This was the longest conversation he had ever had in years…

"Oh, Vincent! You're not demonic," she said reassuringly, smiling to him.

_You're right, I'm beyond demonic…_

"Please… Tifa," he urged, his heart aching at the very sight of her. The beautiful fighter was trying to comfort him…

_I'm hellish…_

Another long silence ensued.

"Well, is this all you have been doing since the last battle? Sleeping once again in a coffin?" she asked carefully, glancing through the open door into Vincent's sleeping chamber.

"Yes," he answered blankly, his mind reeling out of control.

_Sleeping? I cannot sleep…_

She made her way through the door and over near his coffin. He followed her curiously.

_Suffering is what I've been doing._

Vincent was feeling lightheaded, as if he were falling into an endless vortex of misery.

"Why are you really here?" he asked to Tifa, who still stood there staring into his coffin.

"I told you, silly. I thought I'd visit you," she replied, tearing her gaze away and smiling up at his dark form.

…_numb…_

Vincent nodded slowly, feeling the warmth of her smile soak into him. Maybe he could trust her word.

"You were playing the piano before?" he asked, moving past her to stand on her other side.

She looked up into his eyes and gave him a weak smile.

"I need practice, don't I?" she replied sheepishly.

"No, not at all. That song was so… lovely," he commented, feeling his emotional barriers slip away for a moment and the voices subside.

"Really? Thank you," she spoke cheerfully, turning to face him.

Vincent reached out and touched her cheek softly, and then jerked back, scared to death at what he just did.

_You'll tear her to pieces, you monster!_

Tifa gasped at his sudden movement. He had touched her so gently, so tenderly. Vincent turned away, embarrassed and in heartache.

"Perhaps you should come another time," he spoke sternly, not meaning to sound so angry.

Tifa looked down on the ground, wondering why she had even bothered to come here.

"I'm terribly sorry, Vincent… I didn't mean to bother you," she replied sharply before quickly leaving the room and running up the stairs.

_Return to the darkness…_

He stood there, shocked and unmoving before finally shutting himself away again. The coffin was his only friend now. He shivered, remembering how distraught her face had been before she had fled. There had been… tears… in her eyes.

"I'm so stupid," he whispered to himself, closing his eyes and feeling tears of his own fall.

…_numb… so cold… _


	3. Blackness

That night, Vincent slept and wasn't tormented by horrid nightmares of his past. Nor did the voices wake him. Instead, he awoke softly, feeling as though it had been the first time in years that he had slept soundly. Silence was all he could hear.

_There's someone in your house…_

He jumped at the sound of the voice within, nearly knocking his head on the walls of the coffin. He groaned and rose from his bed, reluctant to take a stroll. But Vincent knew that his voices did not lie.

And so in an instant he was ascending the stairs, spiraling up. It was so dark in the room once he made it to the top. Thin beams of moonlight shone across the room through the holes in the heavy curtains. It was nighttime…

_Darkness… so dark…_

His eyes searched across the room until he saw something. There was a lump under the blankets on a bed. Vincent blinked, unable to move as he watched the sleeping form.

"Tifa?" he snapped, his heart pounding.

She stirred under the blankets and rolled over to gaze sleepily at him with tired eyes. No… tear filled eyes. Vincent stared at her with his own intense eyes.

"Why are you still here?" he asked coldly.

Tifa rubbed her eyes and slipped out of the bed calmly.

"I was worried about you and I didn't want to leave," she spoke hesitantly, unsure of how he would take her words.

_Dispose of her… now!_

_No…!_

"Why would you worry?" he asked, remaining where he stood while Tifa strode toward him in the shadows.

"Why wouldn't I?" she countered, standing before him with her hands behind her. She bit her lip and felt herself blush.

They stood motionless in the darkened room for many silent moments. Vincent could only hear Tifa's calm breathing as he held his breath. This was torture… to stand alone in the dark with this woman that persistently cared for him.

_Take her into the darkness…_

_Make her feel as cold as you do…_

Vincent tore himself away from her presence and stumbled recklessly down the stairs. His heart was racing as he fled… racing from the haunting voices in his mind. His sudden movement must have frightened Tifa though and Vincent felt sorry for her.

He had been afraid something like this would happen after Meteor… that one of his companions would try to be friends with him and try to pull him out of the darkness he'd encircled himself in. And it was happening… dear Tifa was only trying to make friends with him and he was fleeing for his sanity. Or rather… insanity.

Vincent stopped in the black corridor, catching his breath and listening as the following footsteps grew near.

"Vincent!" she called out from down the corridor, "Vincent, please don't run away!"

Her voice seemed so far away… like an echo from heaven… Yes, that was it. She was from heaven, she was here to burn him off the face of the earth for his dark sins.

…_so dark… so cold…_

Vincent crumpled to the floor, feeling the icy cold stone on his cheek. The voices and nightmares were consuming him… the demons were eating away at his mind once again.

He could faintly hear the footsteps draw near, so close… she must be standing right next to him. Yet he only saw black and only heard screams from inside.

"Oh, Vincent!" he could hear her cry, "What's happened…? Vincent? Wake up!"

She was kneeling beside him now… her gentle hands on his shoulder.

His mind was spiraling out of control…

"Goodnight…" he whispered softly, and then he blacked out.

_Cold… cold and alone… in the dark… the darkness… so cold… so numb… I can't find my way…_

_Tifa?_


	4. Darkness Awakens

Note: Here's a long chapter for those that asked for it.

_I don't want to die… _

_No…I'm so… so cold… _

…_numb… _

Vincent mumbled in his sleep, lost in a torrent of nightmares that were far more horrible than ever.

_I'm dying…! Someone… help… _

_I'm cold… freezing… it's so cold… _

Although he tried so hard, Vincent couldn't wake up this time. A whisper escaped his lips but it was inaudible.

"It's okay… I'm still here, Vincent," came her voice, distant yet soothing.

_Don't let me die… _

_Darkness… all around… _

Tifa sat on the edge of the bed upstairs, watching over Vincent as he mumbled in his sleep. She had never seen such sadness before in her life, she just couldn't comprehend. His face was etched with that sadness as he slept on.

She had done her best to half carry, half drag Vincent back up the stairs and put him into bed where he could rest and recover. He had just blacked out down there after running from her. Perhaps he was ill? She was deeply concerned for him now.

Bending forward, Tifa stroked her hand across his face.

"You poor thing," she murmured to herself.

Vincent stirred under the blankets but didn't wake.

_Alone? Am I alone…? _

_Help! _

"I'm so… cold," he muttered softly, still trapped in slumber.

"You're cold? You're under all the blankets," Tifa replied, confused, "But I can go look for more blankets. Would you like that?"

He didn't respond, but she didn't expect him to. And with that, Tifa strode out of the room in search of more blankets.

The seemingly abandoned mansion gave Tifa the chills. What a forlorn place… She jumped at the sound of a creak in the floor boards, sending her heart pounding. Cursing, she continued to the other rooms where she pulled a comforter off of another bed. She carried back into the room where Vincent lay and spread it over him neatly.

"Is that better?" she asked, hoping he might wake up to the sound of her voice.

He lay motionless, his breaths shallow and quiet. Tifa frowned and returned to sitting at the edge of the bed. Maybe he'd fallen into a coma, or something like it. Maybe she should call a doctor?

Tifa leaned in and stroked his face and hair gently with one hand, gazing at him with worried eyes.

_Swallowed by darkness… not even hell awaits me… _

Vincent cried out, squirming under the blankets. The nightmare must've turned vicious. Tifa backed away, letting him thrash in his sleep. Suddenly his claw hand grabbed her wrist and he pulled her in.

She gasped at the pain as his grip tightened, claws digging into her flesh. She knew if she tried to jerk away it would only hurt her more.

"Vincent, let go! You need to wake up," she pleaded, her face pained.

His grip tightened as her voice penetrated his nightmare. Blood seeped through the little cuts he'd made into her wrist. Tifa cried out and pried at his metal fingers to no avail.

Finally he released her and became silent.

_I am dying… no one is here for me… _

_So cold… so dark… _

Tifa pressed her hand over the tender, bleeding wounds.

"Please wake up. You're really starting to worry me!" she said loudly, frustrated with herself. She could do nothing for him like this!

Vincent's eyes opened slowly, adjusting to the dim light. Tifa held her breath as he lay there staring first at the ceiling, then across the room at the curtains hiding the window, and then finally at Tifa who sat next to him rubbing her wrist. The silence was intense as he studied her.

"You're still here…?" he asked, almost puzzled.

She nodded sympathetically.

His eyes grazed over her and he noticed the red slashes across her wrist.

"Tifa...? Did you… do that to yourself?" he asked, sitting up in bed halfway and staring at her injured arm.

She shook her head quickly and replied, "No. Vincent, you were asleep… in a nightmare or something. You grabbed on to me so suddenly…"

_You hurt her! _

He glanced down sadly, loathing himself.

"I'm all right. It's okay… really. I'm more worried about you," she assured him, leaning in again and touching his shoulder.

_She bleeds because of you… _

_No! It wasn't me! _

Vincent remained silent for some time. Tifa rose off the bed and across the room to peek out the curtains.

"I think it's almost early morning… the moon has set," she spoke, trying to fill in the empty silence with her rambling.

In an instant he had joined her beside the window. He moved so quietly and gracefully, Tifa was mesmerized. Without much thought, she leaned in to him and rested her head against his shoulder. He stood there, looking down as she drew in close.

"What are you doing?" he asked blankly. He arms wrapped around him in an embrace. Only he couldn't return it.

"I'm so glad you're okay. I thought you were really, really ill," she confessed, pressing into him.

"Hmmm…" he murmured, closing his eyes and secretly savoring her warmth.

"Do you feel well now?" she asked uncertainly.

"Yes," he muttered, pulling away from her finally.

_What does she know of sorrow and misery? _

_Make her feel your agony! _

Vincent blocked out the crazed voices in his mind and began to make his way towards the stairs leading down into his sanctum.

Quickly, Tifa stepped around and in front of him blocking his way.

"No, please don't go away. You'll just end up in another nightmare if you go back to sleep," she pleaded, her tough demeanor slipping away.

He saw the glint of tears forming in her dark eyes.

"I must," he answered coldly, standing before her.

_Take her down… down into your darkness… _

"But… we could talk. I could help," she offered, touching his arm, "I could help ease your pain."

Her words touched him and deep down he longed to give in to her wishes. Yet how could he let Tifa carry the weight of his sadness? She was young and healthy, beautiful in every way.

_Take her down… down into your darkness… _

Vincent slowly nodded, his hand grasping hers gently. Tifa's eyes lit up as she felt him accept.

_I will… I will take her down… down into my darkness… _


	5. Terror

_She will feel the pain I feel… _

Vincent had taken Tifa down into the basement with him, leading her into the darkness of his sleeping chamber where his ghastly coffin awaited.

_She will feel the guilt I feel… _

Tifa watched as the pale, cloaked Vincent swept her towards the coffin. Suddenly, she was enveloped in a nervous fear.

"Vincent… what are we doing?" she asked slowly, turning to face him and letting his hand go. He was so cold…

_Vincent is not here… sweet dear one… _

_She will feel the cold I feel… _

"Vincent?" she called, reaching to touch his shoulder and then his neck. He wasn't responding and that sent an eerie chill through Tifa's tensing body. His eyes swept closed and she could hear him breathing harsh, ragged breaths.

_Oh god no… no… _

_Consume her spirit! _

_No… no, no, no… not Chaos! _

Tifa blinked and brought back her hand. Her heart was pounding in her chest as waves of fear washed over her. She felt the color drain from her face as she recognized Vincent's demon being unleashed.

"Vincent!" she screamed, throwing herself backwards and against the wall.

He stood perfectly still except for the occasional choked breaths he took. Tifa was pleading for him to calm down, begging him to stop all this. Yet inside, she knew it would do no good… Vincent was gone.

At that moment, Chaos burst forth furiously, making Tifa sink to her knees and cover her face as frightful tears came streaming down her cheeks. She kept her eyes tightly shut, reluctant to see what stood before her instead of Vincent.

_She trembles in your presence… she cowers… _

_I will break her… _

Chaos took a step towards Tifa's cornered form, his eyes glancing over her drooping shoulders. A few more steps closer and he was grasping her by the back of the neck with one hand, pulling her to her feet. She protested immediately, swinging her fists wildly but missing each time. Tifa whimpered in defeat, awaiting the pain.

_What am I doing! _

The pain never came as she expected, but instead Tifa felt Chaos's cold grip slowly release her neck. She dropped to the floor with a frantic sob of relief, all the adrenaline in her body seeping away.

_Tifa! Don't cry… it wasn't me…! _

_You could've destroyed her… You could've spent all your pent up sadness on the destruction of her… _

_No! She's the only one that has cared! I can't destroy her! _

_Finish her now… while she's lying prone to your claws! _

_I won't! _

Chaos growled deeply, making Tifa yelp and scramble back against the wall again. But something seemed different as he crouched low and shuddered. She watched him melt away and become Vincent again with tear filled eyes.

As the transformation completed, Vincent sighed gently, as if in satisfaction, and collapsed on to the floor. He seemed to be unconscious for a few minutes, his breathing subdued and calm. But then he stirred and was rising to his feet, his hand going to his forehead.

"Damn," he muttered, shocked at what had just happened.

Tifa was still huddled in the corner, wide-eyed and silent. It pained him to see her so scared of his presence.

"W…what happened?" she asked finally, her voice a soft whisper.

Vincent shook his head and sighed, feeling guilt build up inside.

"I became possessed… please… forgive me if you can. I meant for no harm to ever come to you," he spoke sincerely and gently, making no move to come towards her.

Her dark eyes blinked a few times before she rose up to her feet, leaning against the wall for support. Clearly she had been traumatized.

It was then that Vincent moved swiftly to her, gracefully picking her up off the floor and into his strong arms. Her heart melted at this act of tenderness and she snuggled in to him, wanting desperately to cry. He held her there, content to feel her warmth against his body.

"Oh Vincent!" she sobbed, clinging to his cloak and burying her face into his chest.

"It's all okay now, Tifa. I am myself," he reassured her softly, hating himself for what he had put her through.

The entire night had been one complicated mess that neither Vincent nor Tifa could understand. She had come to him as the sun had set; hoping to cheer him up, but she had only intensified his emotions. She had taken care of him when he had blacked out, she had tried to comfort him; but he had lost control once and ended up hurting her and then he had lost control a second time and had frightened her so badly that she couldn't stand on her own.

"I'm so sorry…" he whispered to her, hoping that her tears would cease.

Her head lifted and Vincent could see her eyes gaze into his. It was as if he had known those eyes of hers much longer than he truly did.

"Do you want me to leave now?" she asked sadly, breaking their eye contact.

_She cares…she's not scared of me… she sees who I really am… _

No words came to his mind as he continued to look at her face, still holding her like a child.

"Vincent?" she asked again, noticing his thoughts wander off.

He snapped back to the present and gave her a weak smile, even though it was hidden behind his cloak.

"No… stay…" he replied dreamily.


End file.
